Some Random Shit

Jan 02 2010 ∞

I Never Cried So Much In One Day

My Mom Told Me She’d Die If Anything Happened To Me Out There In Combat. Truth Is, I’d Fuckin Die If I Lost Her Now… I Cried My Eyes Out That Day Knowing Now I Love My Mom More Than Ever. My Uncle Cried Telling Me How Life Is For Him Now Adays. Prison Never Broke Em But The Love Of His Life Did. And The OG, The Most Gangsta Motha Fucka I Know Teared Up Right Infront Of Me Over Some Female he Fell In Love With 20 years Ago. I Cried Once Again. My Sister…. My Little Sister Today Told Me She Was Worried About Me And Told Me She Didnt Want Me Doing Anything I Was Gonna Regret. I Had To Turn Around So She Wouldnt See The Tears Runnin Down My Face. My Little Sister Shouldnt Have Worry About Her Big Brother. And Thats When I Knew I Was Fuckin Up… Drinkin All Of Last Night And This Whole Day To Ease The Hurt And To Just Cope With Things. I Hate For My Loved Ones To See Me Like This But What The Hell Am I Supposed To Do? Im Going To War And I Got This Pressure To Stay Alive So My Mom Can Live Happily. I Got My Uncle Telling Me Im Losing Everything That He Once Had. My Little Sister Worrying About Me Cuz She Can Smell The Breath Of Alcohol When I Talk To Her. Life Is Just Fucked Up For Me…. So What Do I Do? Accept It?? Cuz Thats What Everyone Wants Me To Do Right. You Cant Make Things Better?? Im Starting To Believe It After Each Bottle. Seems Like Ive Given Up…..

+ ∞

Through Hard Times And When I Struggle The Most I Find Myself Here… Searching For Answers To This Fucked Up Life Of Mine. I’d Give Anything To Bring Her Back, Cuz Right Now I Need Her The Most. This World Is So Lonely And So Fuckin Cold. I Dont Know What To Do Anymore. Wishin I Was Deployed Already… And If I Die Out There I Know I Died For Something And I Made A Difference. And I’ll Finally Be At Peace Wit Her And Especially Wit Myself. Life For Me Is A Continuous Fight

Dec 27 2009 ∞

A Lil Story For Yall

He was a goody good good//
Born and raised in the hood//
Chubby cute face wit his hair nicely combed to the side//
The kind of kid who would cry, during elementary if his mom would be late wit the ride//
Motha fuckin bulllies would pick on em juss cuz he was younger//
Known to be a weak nigga wit a family that had no numbers//
So when he got home it was just his grandma cookin that plain old rice//
Mama at school, daddy workin his ass off to get his son the newest kind of nikes//
10 people stuffed in one house but you never heard him complain once//
Middle school hit and him and his cousin would throw fist for the last bit of that captain crunch//
Growin up wit a hard headed bunch//
Learned after all these years on how to take a punch//
He grew hard and never ever did you see him get hit and fuckin grunt//
He wanted the power and he wanted the stunt//
So he came back to the niner wit his hair slick back and faded to the zero//
Dickies on, chucks on wit the fat laces and it was clear yo//
The game done took hold of em and that goody good boy became a neighborhood hero//
A kid who now looked up to niggaz like Al Pacino and Robert DiNero//
Feenin to live that gangsta life wit the money power and respect//
Just another young nigga who lost his soul and is now headed slowly straight to the deck//
The young motha fucka packed guns//
Chrome and black ones//
Hustled harder than any motha fucka so he could stack funds//
Watch your back son//
You gotta remember these scandolous ass niggaz also pack one//
Never learning his lesson until that night at the park//
He left his cousin alone in the dark//
Went to take a piss and these motha fuckaz rolled up and shot his cousin 5 times in the heart//
Blunt after blunt he would spark//
Nuttin but revenge on his mind, pistol close to his head, he’s stressin//
The whole situation musta been a curse or a blessin//
Scared for his life, sick and tired of guessin//
Load up them K’s he said, lets raise the fuckin dead//
The streets fuckin bleed//
Nephews, Brothers, Sons, Uncles, turned victim to the block//
He made shit hot, he done made shit pop//
16 years old, leading soldiers to war//
Niggaz bowed down as soon as stepped into the door//
He finally did it… but remember on how all those gangsta movies ended//
Rules were rules but he chose to fuckin bend it//
His homies left one by one until he was left alone//
25 to life, and sure shots to the dome//
None of these motha fuckaz returning home//
No longer known, now the one remembering, reminiscing//
Missin how things were but fuck life goes on//
Now a changed nigga tryin to get along//
In this world that so nice not knowing what to expect//
No more power, no money, no respect//
A hard nigga gone soft, not knowing how he should be livin//
Lil shit happens and he starts trippin//
No one understands or gives him the chance, so what the fuck//
Still livin, still around, still continuing to push his luck.

Dec 26 2009 ∞

love of my life in San Francisco